Moments Like This

I'll just warn you up front. This is really just a bragging, make-myself-feel-better as a mom kind of post. I’m just sayin.

I had to run to the store tonight (yes, I just bought groceries last night, but Brian’s foot is swollen and he wanted some Aleve. Before you go and think that I’m a good wife, just know I went in protest and wasn’t showing him too much love).

Soooo, I came home from the store and Hope’s light was on—30 minutes after she was supposed to be in bed. When I went in her room, this is what I found:

This is not a common occurrence in our house. My girls have been at each other and being trapped in a car with them for several hours this past weekend didn’t help any of us.

BUT, once in a while, they love each other well. And I’m choosing to celebrate this moment—whether I ever get to see a sweet picture of a big sister reading to her little sister (and using fun voices for the different animals) again or not.

I wonder if this is what God thinks as He looks at humankind. We spend a lot of time in conflict with each other, but every once in a while, we come together in a sweet way.

I can totally imagine Him running to get his camera so that he can capture it.

Knowledge is Power

Today was one of the most looked forward to day of the summer. My girls have been asking about it for weeks—actually, even since before school let out in June (yes, we were the school district that thought it was a great idea to have class until the 2nd week of June).

So, what was today?

It was the day that we found out which teacher each girl has for the coming year. These days, we get a recorded message from the teacher. Back when I was a kid, they posted them on the school doors. I remember riding my bike up to the school the day before and even the morning of the day they said they were going to post them—hoping they would do it earlier. I was so excited—even though I didn’t always know anything about the teacher. For me, I was more excited to see who was in my class. Would I get to be with my best friend? Would that boy who annoyed me be in close proximity all year? Was I gonna meet any new kids?

I got the calls a little after 5pm—about an hour before I had to leave to go pick up the girls from their Mimi’s house. Actually, they were at their Mimi’s neighborhood pool—not my favorite place to pick them up from. I already had to make them leave a birthday party (also at a pool) the day before. Being the party-pooper once again was not something I was looking forward to.

BUT, I had ammo this time—thanks to the teacher announcement. I knew who their teachers were…and they didn’t—at least not until I chose to tell them. And I had the power to tell them when I wanted. Knowledge is good—especially when you’re dealing with kids and a pool.

As I expected, I was not met with excited cries of “Oh, Mom! We are sooooo glad you are here! We were getting bored with Mimi—we only got to roller skate and swim all day with our cousins. The thought of going home, taking showers and brushing our teeth sounds so much more exciting!” Nope. I got the glares and mad stomps (thankfully, my sister-in-law saw me pull up and got them out of the pool so I didn’t have to do that part and be even more of an enemy).

So, I did what any good mom would do. I told them that I knew who their teachers were and I wasn’t telling them until we were in the car (insert sing-songy voice here). And they weren’t allowed to be mad at me for taking them home-where there is no pool.

And a funny thing happened. Their attitude IMMEDIATELY changed. No longer was I the bad guy. And, again, I did what any good mom would do…I dragged it out as long as I could so that I could bask in the glow of hero worship—which was approximately 3 minutes.


And the best news of the day? I don’t have to drag them from the pool tomorrow—that’s Brian’s job.

A Vision from God?

A couple of months ago, God gave me a vision. I won’t bore you with the details, but I will tell you that there was no doubt in my head it was from God. It was one of those, can’t sleep, wake-you-up-in-the-night kind of visions. The kind that you finally get up and make a list of all the reasons why it can’t work—and you come up with 3 pages full.

But there’s still a voice, whispering, saying, “What if?” What if you took a risk? What if it doesn’t make sense? What if I have been growing this passion in your heart "for such a time as this?"

But it was such a stretch. It totally didn’t make sense. Regardless, I acted on it. I pursued it—knowing that it would probably never take flight.

And this was big for me. As far as I’ve come in the last few years, I still live a lot of my life fear-based. BUT, I felt like I HAD to be obedient to pursue it—acknowledging to those around me that it was crazy.

And, while I wish this could be a story of how God blessed that obedience and made everyone around me jump on this crazy idea, He didn’t. And I was disappointed. And truthfully, angry as well.

Disappointed that I didn’t persuade anyone with my eloquence (ha!) to take a huge leap. Disappointed that this passion that I felt like He had been building in me, no longer had the outlet I had envisioned. Even disappointed that I was angry.

Initially, I thought hte anger was at people. After a talk-through with a friend who refused to let me wallow and called me out on my petty-ness, I realized my real anger was at God.

Why would He put such a clear vision in my heart and mind if it were not going to happen? Why would He allow me to put myself out there in a risky way, knowing that when it didn’t turn out the way I had hoped, I would probably hold a grudge? Why now, when I was on a roll before this happened and this only served to slow down my momentum?

It took me back to the time when I prayed fervently for the life of our friend of mine’s baby. And I truly believed He would heal her and there would be this miracle story about how she was saved because God heard all the prayers going up on her behalf. But He didn’t heal her, and on her 2 month birthday, she entered heaven.

I remember feeling so betrayed by Him. How could he allow me to believe He was good and that He wanted to answer my prayers? I wish I could say that I have figured out what He wanted me to learn out of both of those situations, but I can’t. This is like one of those books you read that doesn’t end with the pretty red bow.

But it doesn’t mean it’s a bad book. In fact, it’s often intriguing. And it makes you want to read it again.

The anger is gone and while there is still some disappointment, it’s not something that is consuming me--it's pretty small for now, at least (that may change in a few hours or days).

Funny thing is, I still don’t doubt the vision was from Him. And I still don’t know what that means. And I may never. But, for now, I’m okay with that.

My Big White Board

I have this big magnetic white board on my office wall. It’s one of my favorite things. Silly, I know since it’s really not very pretty and takes up a good majority of the wall over my desk. Pretty utilitarian.

BUT, it has some of my favorite things on it—the names of all the people who serve alongside of me in the elementary area. Every year, around this time, I pull down the names of the leaders from last year and put up the leaders for this coming year.

And it is bittersweet for me.

There are names I pull down that I grieve because I never got to know them well enough to hear their story. There are others who are leaving because of the season of life they are in or because they feel called to another ministry (I mean, really—is there a more important one than Kids???). There are others I feel that I let down because I didn’t equip them enough or pray for them enough.

And then, after I pull down the names who are moving on, my board has a lot of white space (white space is bad because it means there aren’t names of people to fill the roles).

And I panic.

How are all these spots going to be filled? Who is going to lead these kiddos? Who is going to lead these small group leaders who are leading these kiddos? How are they going to be trained?

And then, I look at the top of my board and see a verse printed that my pastor talked about several years ago which has become one of my favorites:

“Give me wisdom and knowledge, that I may lead this people, for who is able to govern this great people of yours?” 2 Chronicles 1:10

This was Solomon’s response when God asked him what he wanted. He could have asked for anything in the world and God would have given it to him--just like Cinderella's Fairy Godmother. But he had just become king and he felt the weight of his people and knew he alone could not lead them in the way they needed (not to mention, he probably didn't really want to go to the ball and meet Prince Charming and have to dance all night).

My scope is quite a bit different from Solomon’s—I don’t have a nation to lead. But I do have a group of volunteers who each have a story to tell. Each has a life outside of their service on Sunday morning. And each represents a family—whether it’s just them and their fish or a whole gaggle of children.

And I think I feel a bit of what Solomon felt on that day. There is no way I can lead these people the way they need; the way they deserve. Where do I recruit them from? How do I know when to challenge someone and when to extend grace? I could fill up a book with the questions that run through my head in that panic moment (okay—maybe panic day or week).

And I pray the same thing that Solomon did that day. And I trust that God will answer me. And He does—not always in the way I think He should, but then again, that’s why I need His incredible wisdom and not mine—which is so finite.

And my panic begins to subside. And the weight starts to fall off of my shoulder. And sometimes, right about that time, I get an email from someone new who wants to serve in one of those white spots. And once in a while—they have a friend who wants to serve with them. And I am once again reminded that these are God’s leaders and kiddos and He cares more for them than I ever could (which makes me feel relieved, because I care so very deeply).

While I wish I could leave this on a spiritual high where you think I'm this deep person who really desires to follow God with all of my being, I have to be honest. Just between you and me--the materialistic, fleshy side of me sometimes secretly hopes that God blesses me with wealth like He did Solomon.

I'm NOT Pregnant

Sooo…I think I did something I’m gonna be regretting for a while. I took a semi-dare. I say “semi” because a friend told me she thought I would think it was funny and might be willing to do it. So she didn’t out-and-out double dog dare me (like I did my friend April when she said she was gonna cut her hair short). But, she planted the idea in my head. And I followed through with it.

I’m not sure what came over me. I’m not a daredevil and have never been. I’m the one who plays it safe.

But, as I get older, I like to stir things up a bit. And put myself out there.

But, I think I went too far this time.

I posted the following on facebook: “We’re expecting!!! I know, I know—pretty crazy isn’t it? I really don’t want to believe it myself. I wasn’t going to put it on here, because it will be obvious soon enough, but I thought I needed to make it official. So, now you know. It’s official.”

And then, in the comments, I wrote: “We are EXPECTING another HOT DAY tomorrow!! Wait!! What did you think I meant?”

Needless to say, many people didn't read my 1st comment. So, now lots of people think I’m pregnant. And that means they will be looking at my tummy. Which isn’t small. And might even grow. But not because of a baby.

Hopefully, the humor of the post will come through and EVERYONE will realize that I AM NOT PREGNANT!!!

And I’ll think twice before I take a dare again. Maybe.

Life Isn't Always Pretty

This picture makes me smile. Despite my fat arms showing and the lack of make-up on my face. And Caroline's visor making her ears stick out. It’s definitely not a pretty picture.

BUT, I love it! I smile every time I look at it.

Life isn’t always pretty, but it doesn’t mean it has to be sad. Enjoy the pockets of fun where you can.

More Prayer Confessions

Since we’re on the subject of prayer, I thought I’d throw out another shocker to you. In the Royal house, we don’t pray consistently before bedtime or at meals.

I know! That's outrageous! And you are wondering how someone who doesn’t do that is on staff at a church, huh? Especially someone who would admit it. (Of couse, I'm admitting it on my blog which is not read by very many people, so it's not like I'm shouting it from the rooftops).

Here’s the deal. I love to hear stories about families who have these great devotions and prayer times together. I really do. I think it’s incredible to see God move in the hearts of a family at the same time, in the same place. What a great bonding time as well as growing one.

So, I’m not knocking those of you who are consistent. In fact, a part of me envies you. But if you’ve read anything else I’ve ever posted on this blog, you’ll know that I have issues with the standard to which I measure myself and my family. I have spent too much of my life looking at what others’ are doing and trying to make myself or my family fit that mold.

I used to think everything was black and white. And some things still are. But there’s a lot more gray and purple and light blue and bursts of orange and red in there. Praying is one of those color spots for me.

I want my girls to grow up understanding the value of prayer and for me, if I lead them in prayer before we eat every time, I’m devaluing that prayer. Keep reading, I’ll explain. If I tell God I’m thankful when I’m doing it because I’m supposed to (and not really because I mean it), am I leading my girls well?

We’ve all had to prompt our kids to tell someone thank you. I just think It takes the value of that expression away when it’s not from the heart and spontaneous. Sure, it’s a good lesson to teach them to be polite, but for us here at the Royal house, that’s not a lesson I want to teach my kids about God.

I want to teach them to talk to Him at ANY time of the day or night. I want to teach them to tell Him “Thank you” whenever they feel like it and not just at certain times of the day. I want them to ask for His help all day long.

Sometimes, they ask to pray at dinner, and we do. Sometimes, I want to pray with or over them at bedtime. So we do. So, while I know we don’t spontaneously pray as much as I wish we would, I think they are getting it. And that’s what matters to me. It’s the reason God gave my specific girls to me. He has given me wisdom and power for every situation—including my precious, crazy girls—and it’s my choice whether I use it or I go with the flow.

So, please don’t send me hate mail if you pray with your kids every day. I am not judging your authenticity, just my own if I did it that way at my house.