Sitting in Puddles

It's the first day of school at a new school for both of my girls.  You can't tell it in this picture, but they are both a little scared--Caroline cried last night and Hope talked faster than an auctioneer this morning. 

As I left Caroline in her class, I had to hold back the tears--so silly--she's in 4th grade--it's not like this is the first time I've done this.  But, it is the first time for her to be on her own without her big sister.  Her first time to ride the bus home from school.  Her first time to not know anyone in her class. 

After dropping off Hope, I started to tear up again and prayed that she wouldn't get nervous and would be able to get her locker open. 

And then I came home and cried a bit as I was putting their sheets in the washer.  I really am glad school has started.  We Royal girls thrive on routine with just a little spontaneity thrown in--not the other way around.  And summer had been full of twists and turns for us--many good (like our awesome house), but I don't think we have had a week that looked like the previous one all summer.  We didn't do as many fun things as I had hoped.  We had some curve balls thrown at us that prevented us from playing as often as we should. 

But, as I told Caroline last night, we can't live in the past--we have to make the best out of today.  If there was something we felt like we should have done yesterday, then we need to do it today.  Ain't nobody got time to sit and mope. 

So, here's to the 2013-2014 school year!  I pray it is one of precious new beginnings for our family!

But in the meantime, I still feel the need to think of my girls like this so I don't cry anymore:

 

                                                                          
 

 



Sparrows and the Hairs on my Head

We have this nest on our front porch. Before we moved in, we noticed a couple of sparrows sitting in it and later saw some broken eggs in the yard and babies peeking out of the top of the nest.  A few weeks later, we saw even more babies and we finally figured out that the sparrows must have shared the nest and this was a second batch of babies.   

Last week, we noticed one on the ground and decided to put it back up in the nest so that it would be safe at night from a hawk.  Then we realized that all 4 babies were out.  So, Hope and I got Brian's tall ladder, figured out how to extend it, and she climbed up and put each baby back in the nest. 

The next day, they were all back down again, so we just made sure they were safe behind the big flower pot at night.  In the morning, I watched one take wing and fly off.  The next day, the girls saw another one do the same.  The last two, stayed huddled together for a few more days, until, they finally flew away, too. 

I've never really paid attention to sparrows, but I know that they are mentioned in the Bible a few times.  I read these verses this morning:

"Are not 5 sparrows sold for 2 pennies?  Yet not one of them is forgotten  by God.  Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  Don't be afraid; you are worth more than  many sparrows."  --Luke 12:6-7

We loved those baby sparrows.  In fact, we really miss not having them on our porch.  We cared for them, were eager to check on them each morning and evening, and we were so very excited when we saw them fly for the first time.  If we felt that way about them and God created them, how much more must He love them?   AND, even better, He tells us that we are worth more than many sparrows. 

Such a great word picture for me and my girls about how deep and wide His love is for us. 

Remembering that He's Alive

It's the week after Pine Cove Base Camp, and I still find myself mourning the fact that they aren't here anymore.  It's really pathetic.   I'm not quite sure why I get in such a funk after they leave and just mope around--except that maybe it's because the counselors model what it looks like to view things of earth as temporary and things of heaven as eternal. 

This morning, my Bible study was on 2 Corinthians 4 focusing on the last 2 verses of the chapter.  These are verses I always use in ministry and even used for the PC counselors last Friday on a little treat I made for them. 

But, despite the head knowledge, I don't always live like it's true. 

I pray that today, when I remember that Jesus is alive, I respond like this:

He loves me like Jesus does???

I love this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGF6c0tjAgI 
It came on the radio the other day and here's the conversation that happened in our car:

Me: "Do you love ME like Jesus does?"
Brian: "Yep."
Me: "Really?  I'm not so sure you do."
Brian: "If I didn't, I'd have left your butt a long time ago."
Me: laughing uncontrollably

I love this guy!  Always keeps me giggling. 

This, my friends is what makes marriage fun. 

Whatever You're Doing

Do you ever feel like you are at that in-between place?  That place where you know you're on the right path, but your destination is still too far away.  You can see the outline of the sign, and can kinda make out the words, but the number of miles to get there is still blurry. 

I feel that way in several different areas of my life right now.  Except that it's not really a destination sign I'm looking for--life is not about getting to one place or the other.  The journey is what's important and the learning along the way. 

It's not a place of being "stuck."  It's not a place of clear direction either.  It's just...in-between.  The place on the road when you've left one city but haven't gotten to the next and the only thing you see are the mile markers on the side of the road which confirm that you are moving.

What I've found is that those in-between places are when I talk the most to my God.  When I ask for direction instead of charging ahead or looking behind.  When I let go of my plans and fears and hopes.  When I move to the hum of the engine and don't try to cover it up with the radio or a bunch of other noise. 

And rest--even in the chaos.

That's where I am right now.   And this song speaks the words better than I can say:

Whatever You're Doing (Sanctus Real) lyrics

If I had a Million Dollars

If I had a million dollars...

I'd hire a personal chef.
Who is also a nutritionist and makes calorie-free yet yummy food.
And loves to grocery shop.

And of course, I would feed all the hungry kids in the world and make sure they all had clean water.

Lucky Number 13

A year ago today, Brian was in the hospital (this pic was taken only hours before that hospital stay).

The reality of losing him totally rocked my world. It stopped me in my tracks of holier-than-thou-ness and made me truly appreciate what a gem I've been been given. This past year has been the best in our marriage so far--probably the best year together since we met 16 years ago this week.

Today, we celebrate our 13th anniversary. Thirteen years since I walked down the aisle and promised to love him in sickness and health and for richer or poorer (although, we both giggled at the richer part).  Thirteen years since we decided to put someone else's needs and wants before our own.  Thirteen years. Not long to some, but it feels like a lifetime to me.

I have a hard time remembering life before Brian and yet, I had 25 years without him. Twenty five years to never know his kisses.  Twenty five years that I missed out on watching him ooze grace on all those around him.  Twenty five years to never know what it was like to share a bathroom with him.  Twenty five years in which I knew I was missing something but didn't know what.

This post has been sappier than most--even for me--but it needs to be said. When I am gone from this world, I pray my family sees this post. I'm not good at showing love. I'm good at writing it, but my actions are not always consistent with how I feel. I pray they will see this and know that even when I didn't show it, I was utterly overwhelmed at the goodness God bestowed on me by giving me Brian.

May lucky number 13 be our best year yet!