These are a few of my Favorite Things

I can easily tell you several things that I don't like at any given time.  It's my super power--I'm gifted that way.

BUT, I also have so many things I love.  Here, in no particular order, are a few of my favorite things:

Willow.  If you are my friend on IG of FB, you already know this as I tend to post a "few" pics of her there.  She is just SUCH a delight.  A friend of mine said that dog was God spelled backward.  I'm telling ya--I've seen God's kindness in so many ways through this little dog.  She brings such joy to our family and I cannot imagine life without her.  She makes me happy.

Connecting People.  I have always said that I have a hard time making/keeping good friends, but I can find other people's best friends for them.  I seriously love when someone mentions they are looking for a person who can do X.  This is truly one of the things I do best and it brings me so much joy--whether its successful or not.

Podcasts. I started these to motivate me on my morning walks (I would only allow myself to listen when I was walking so I would have something to make me put on my tennis shoes and head out the door in this stupid oven we call Texas), but they have become so much more!  I bounce between several that I love, depending on my mood.  I even listen to them in the car every time I'm in there now (sidenote--my car is so old that it doesn't have an aux outlet so I had to buy one of those cassette tape things with a cord attached that I plug into my phone so the sound goes through the speakers--whoever invented this is my new best friend!). 

Little Clayland.  Y'all!  I discovered this because she made a figure for a podcast group I listen to.  I eagerly await her IG post each day so I can see what she's made and the ones where she shows a video just fascinate me.  I love seeing people use their gifts to create!  In fact, I had her make one for me to give as a gift for a special occasion coming up.  I received it this week and can't wait to show it to you--it's literally the best money I have spent this year.  Check her out at www.littleclayland.com or on Insta as littleclayland.  You won't be disappointed!

Free Books.  I post about books more than I read, but I just love talking about books.  And let me tell you, on the first day of the month when I get my email for Kindle First "free" books (technically, I pay a fee for Amazon Prime so I know they aren't free, but it feels like it when I don't get a bill for them) make me giddy!  Last month, they even let me get all the suggested books! 

Sweet Blessings.  I don't even know how I discovered this years ago--if you were the one who told me about it--THANK YOU!!!  Each month, she has a theme and assigns a scripture for each day.  The idea is to write it out and claim it.  Since today is August 1st, I just started a new one--God's promises.  If you don't have anything you are reading right now, I think you should do this with me.  It's just the best! You can find her on FB at Sweet Blessings or her website at www.swtblesings.com.  Let me know if you do it!




These are a few of the things making me happy today.  What about you?

Reaching Out

I have a friend.

She's not someone I see very often.  In fact, I've seen her less than 5 times in the last 20 years.

And I have talked to her on the phone about as many times.  Typically we text.

I haven't been a very good friend to her over the years.  I went MIA for a majority of the time after college.

But she showed up at my dad's funeral and has continued to send me random texts in the months since.  There's no rhyme or reason to them, but they always come at a time when I need to know that someone knows that grief doesn't end at a funeral. (Actually, that's probably when the real grief starts.)

I received one text on a Sunday that said she was praying for me because going to church after her dad died was hard for her.  Just that morning, I was telling someone how singing songs about death (which we do a lot of in church) made me sad and relieved at the same time.  Sad because death seems so final, but relieved (maybe even joyful) because Jesus overcame it and the power of that overwhelms me.

Here's what I've learned from my friend:

• When God brings people to mind, I should let them know.  It doesn't need to be a grand gesture, just a simple text or comment on their IG pic or blog post will often suffice.
• Never think that my grief/challenges are unique to me.  Someone else around me is going through, has gone through or is about to go through the same thing.
• God speaks to us through friends as much as He does through the Bible and church.  And if we see them as such, life is so much more fun.
• Even though we don't deserve it, grace abounds.  I can hold grudges or I can give grace to those who don't live up to my expectations.  

What I'm trying to do is to ask myself every morning, "Who do I need to reach out to?"  It might be a co-worker, a friend or even one of my daughters, but there is always a face that comes to mind.  Sometimes I text.  Sometimes I make it a point to have a conversation.  One time, I just ordered a book for her and had it sent.  Every day it looks different.  

And some days, I fail and am too busy looking inside myself to do more than survive my day.  

But, even if I only reached out to 1 person each week, that would be over 50 for the year.  And if YOU reached out to 1 person per week, that would make over 100.  And if we each invited a friend to do it with us, that's over 400.  And we could go on and on here... 

But it all starts with ME being willing to reach out...

Consistently Consistent

I don't often allow myself to dream and create a bunch of new year's resolutions, but I love the idea of a Word for the Year.  In fact, the last 2 years, I've created a project for other families to come up with their word and it's been a hit.

But it's harder for me to find one of my own.  The word that typically comes up over and over is not the word I want.  There have been years when I've tried to change it to what I wish it was (like the year I wanted whimsy to be my word) and it's been like trying to make a round peg go into a square hole--it will work, but it wobbles around and just doesn't fit (I mean, seriously...whimsy is not a word I would ever even say, let alone model my life after--no matter how cool it is).

The word that kept coming to mind this year was "CONSISTENT."  Blah.  Such a boring word.  I tried to find others in the thesaurus that would mean the same thing and most of them were just as dull: dependable, uniform, steady, expected...

And I argued that this really wasn't my year to be consistent--I mean it started off with my schedule all out of whack and dealing with my dad's death and the grief that comes over me at inconsistent time.  I changed jobs. I have teenage daughters. Brian's job is feast or famine.  There's really not a lot of consistent things in my life.

But the word won't go away (which is why I'm finally posting about it in June).  It's come to mind even more the last few weeks as I've tried to get into a rhythm of exercise.  I want the excitement of boxing or noticeable weight loss, but those are not really part of my program right now.  Putting one foot in front of the other and walking a mile and a half in the morning is.  Convincing myself to get out of bed when the sun is just peaking out and putting on my tennis shoes instead of curling up with a book is.

And I still don't love it.  The exercise or the word.

But, they are both right.

I'd like to think that one day, both will bring me joy, but I'm not confident in that dream.  It may be one that I see down the road in my rearview mirror. I want to have this great "AH HA!" moment that I can share in my memoir of how everything changed.

But I don't think it works like that for most of us. 

I think it's the simple choices we make every day to do the next right thing.  The choices that change us in small, unnoticeable ways.  The ones we make while we're trying to get to the ones we think will make a drastic difference. 

Do You Feel Loved?

Heavy title for a blog post, huh? 

I turned 46 yesterday--which I was dreading (and not just because I'm now officially closer to 50 than 40).  This is my first birthday without my dad.  I woke up early and looked through my "on this day" on facebook and he was my most consistent birthday-poster.  The last few years he posted a pic of me that I absolutely hated and kept trying to figure out how to tell him that.  While seeing it yesterday in the memories didn't make me sad that it wouldn't be out there this time, it did make me wish I had him speaking into me again--reading the words he wrote over the years made me cry (I KNOW--that's a shocker since I NEVER cry!  Sheesh!).

My dad was always telling me I didn't give myself enough credit.  He would tell me to stand tall and not feel like I need to apologize all the time.  What's ironic is that I always thought he was critical of me and that I never measured up to what he was hoping I'd be. 

Since his death, I've realized those words I heard were not his--they were mine.  I know now that he truly DID mean it when he told me I was kind and beautiful and loving.  He wasn't just saying it to make me feel better about myself because he was disappointed that I wasn't living up to my potential.

I see this same thing in my daughter.  I see her lack of confidence in the amazing-ness of who she is.  I feel the defensiveness as she is looking for the words I'm not saying or reading into my actions because she feels like I'm disappointed. 

Loving ourselves is hard.  I won't get all new-agey on you, but I do feel like we have done a bit a dis-service by insisting we love others first when we don't even know how to do that.  Jesus told us to "love others as we love ourselves."  It's following that command that has gotten our world into the mess it's in with the hate spewing back and forth.   Not the loving others part--the loving them like we love ourselves.  Most of us don't love ourselves.  We feel shame and fear and grief and disappointment when we look at who we are--not love.  If that's how we "love" others, then that's a problem.

I'm not saying we drop everything and only focus on ourselves--that's tipping the scale in the opposite direction.  I'm not even saying go out and buy yourself a new outfit or get a pedicure (ways I've tried to show myself that I love me).  Simply, what words do you believe-- in your head and  in your heart (because we all know, those 2 are often VERY different)?  Do you truly know how to love others?

Do you love you? 

Because until you do, you won't be able to love others well. 

It's the weird things that get me--usually they are small and insignificant. 

I worried that Easter would be hard.  Even though we didn't take any pics of the kids on the stairs like we did most years, I made it through without being incredibly sad all day.  For the first 2 months after my dad died, I would cry almost every Sunday at church during worship.  We sing a lot about death.  And dad's death just feels so final--even though I know it's not.  The thought that Jesus overcame that, and created a way for us to eventually do the same, overwhelms me and makes me experience Him in a totally new and different way. 

Yesterday was the 3 month anniversary of Dad's death.  I made it through the day with minimal tears.  And then I saw a pic on facebook that my Uncle Allen posted of him, my dad and my Uncle Terry. And I lost it.  I took that picture and was in denial that the end was so close as I was snapping it.  I knew my dad wasn't feeling well and even had to be the bad guy for him and tell some family he wasn't up to more people in the house. But, he still looked very alive in that picture and it made me miss him so very much.

And then this morning, I went to get a cup for my orange juice and his old Bugs Bunny cup was on the shelf staring at me.  My Grandma Mary gave it to me many years ago and it mostly just sits in the cabinet.  Today, it made me sob and smile at the same time.  I cried for me and my loss.  I smiled because the cup reminds me of both my dad and Grandma Mary and I know they are together again in heaven. Dad feels no more pain from tumors and Grandma can remember every little thing again.

I still can't seem to form the words to write a post to honor my dad.  It has come easy for me to do this for others, but this one escapes me.  Writing has always been how I process so, even though it's been 3 months, I know I have not processed through all I need to yet.  Maybe I never will.  But I DO hope the words will come eventually so that I can share the depth of love and emotion I have/had for my dad.

Until then, I will continue to be thankful for the tears because they mean that there are good memories there and things to miss.  They mean that my dad left a hole from all the good he did for me and others.  They mean that I realize what I had and didn't take it for granted.

I cried...Again

We were driving on the way home from church tonight and my daughter said, "You really need to do Lovepacs in my school."  I started in on making my excuses for why that's just not feasible...Yeah, but I still need to find someone to head up our Aubrey community...And I really don't know anyone in your district yet (my kids just moved there this year)...And while I know there is probably a need, I just don't have time to take it on right now.

You get the drift--I was saying all the things I've said before so that I could pretend that it just isn't possible.

And then, she made me cry.

"Mom, there was this kid talking about his fast food job and how they let him take home the excess food at night.  Then this other kid asked him if it would be possible for him to get some of that tomorrow because his family ran out of money this week and he was trying to figure out how to help feed his younger brother and sister because they didn't have any food."

Y'ALL!!!  This kid is a freshman!  Instead of worrying about zits and girls and parties, he's worrying about food--and not only for himself, but for his siblings.

So, what do we do?  We can't save the world, right?  We can't feed every kid, right?  It's really not my responsibility--it's his parents job, right?

I just can't live with that anymore.  I can't take Lovepacs to this school district...YET...but I can do something.  I went to my pantry and pulled out some of the items we typically put in a Lovepacs box.  And guess what?  I had over half of what I needed.  JUST IN EXCESS IN MY OWN PANTRY!

So, tomorrow, I will be making a phone call to the school counselor and explaining what Lovepacs is and does and asking her if she can make sure this kid gets this bag of food to help tide them over.

And I'll pray.

Because I know the need is bigger than these 3 kids.  And now that I've been hit in the face with it, I can't go on my merry way and pretend I don't know about it.  There's no more burying my head in the sand.

THIS is why your newsfeed is full of me talking about Lovepacs.  I know we can't save the world, but what if we each did a little?  What if we made sure that the kids that lived in our community weren't hungry.  What if the statistic that 1 in 5 kids in the US doesn't have enough food changed to all kids in America went to bed with full tummies tonight?

And here's what I know...it CAN happen.  We had a little dream of feeding 6 kids...and other people starting dreaming and doing with us...and 7 years later,over 4500 kids got fed over spring break.

What in the World is She Doing Now???

 I've been pinching myself all week to make sure I'm awake.  Have you ever done that?  Something so stinkin good has happened that I've feel like I'm dreaming.

I began a new job this week.  I know, I know, you are probably thinking, "Again? How many different jobs has she had in the last 18 months?"  And you should.  I know I've probably seemed a little flaky--okay, a lot flaky.  And I've really enjoyed every job I've had.    I've had the opportunity to travel, to serve and to create.  AND, I've gotten to meet and work with some absolutely amazing people.

But THIS job, this new job I started is one that is so much a part of me that its just naturally something I should be doing.  Something that just "fits."

As of this past Monday, I work part-time for Lovepacs.  Can you believe it?  This little dream of mine I had over 6 years ago--that maybe one day we would be big enough to hire someone has come true!!! And I GET TO BE THE ONE TO DO IT!!!

I was scared to tell very many people until it actually happened--just in case they found someone better, but now, I want to yell it at the top of my lungs!  Not only do I get to work for Lovepacs, I GET to coach and serve  and encourage leaders.  I GET to put processes in place to equip them to serve more kids in their community.  I GET to work with people I love dearly.  I GET to make a difference--one kid and one community leader at a time.

I will still keep my other part-time job at The Container Store, answering phones and designing closets--something else I've found that I really like. I'm not as good at it as I wish, but I'm making progress every day and I truly enjoy serving the person I'm talking to in the moment.  Selfishly, I love that I have a tangible finish every day I'm there--that's not typically something I've experienced in most of the jobs I've chosen. A closet may not seem world-changing, but really listening to the customer and designing something that makes their life a little easier means they have more time to focus on other things.  And I can pray that those things they choose to focus on will be world-changing. 

As you may know, this year did not start out great for me.  My dad was always proud of my work with Lovepacs and I've caught myself starting to call him a couple times in the last week to tell him about my new job.  But, he already knows.  And I like to to think that his smile is as big as mine has been this week. 

So, please excuse all the giddy posts that will fill your facebook newsfeed.  And if you're not familiar with Lovepacs, let me know and I'll be happy, happy, happy to fill you in on all that God has done and continues to do through amazing people in the communities all around us. 

P.S.  If you realize I really am dreaming, DON'T WAKE ME UP!!!

P.P.S.  Just a few of the hundreds of pics I have from packing and delivery