So I'm starting over. Which is weird at 44.
A few months ago, I had such confidence in this being the right thing. I still believe that, but I am also overcome with feelings of guilt several times a day. I feel bad that I'm not contributing financially to our family. I feel bad that even though I have a long list of projects I'm excited about, I'm just tired right now. I feel bad that my house is still a mess and clean laundry is sitting in baskets waiting to be folded--just like when I was working full time.
I told Brian and myself that I wouldn't take on any new activities outside our home until January. After my first day home I had big doubts. I know my tendency toward depression and even isolation, so I talked with Brian and decided to go against that original plan and join a Bible study.
I only know the leader. It's pretty far from my house. Most of them have been together in the past. But I already love it. It's on the life of Peter. A person who started over a couple of times. And it's perfect for me right now.
I'm not sure what the next steps of this journey will be. I just know that I need to be still for a while. And, y'all--not counting the holiday, I've technically only been unemployed 2 days. I knew this would be an adjustment for me. I have kept myself entirely too busy lately and have left no margin to hear
from God. Which is a little embarrassing to admit since I was a kids pastor.
So, as you think of me, I'd appreciate your prayers. Pray that I would not feel guilty for being still. Pray that my family would not be irritated with me for not moving too fast right now. Pray that in the stillness, God shows me clearly what my next step of obedience is.
Are you in a new season right now? How can I pray for YOU?
