I can't fix the voices in your (and my) head, but I can give you some great advice: GET A DOG!
Yep, a dog--or puppy if you have the energy to deal with potty training again--is the best thing you can do for yourself while parenting a teenager. Here are a few reasons why:
A dog is ALWAYS happy to see you. If you leave the room and come back, they wag their tail. When you walk in from work, they won't even let you put your bags down before smothering you with kisses and wiggling to get as close to you as possible. The response you get from your teen: What's for dinner?
Dogs don't roll their eyes or slam their door. In fact, when they do something wrong, they immediately admit their guilt and assume a submissive position. Not so much with a teenager.
A dog doesn't require you to get their approval before posting their pics on social media. (This is why you will eventually have more pics of them than your kids.) They might give you a sigh when you insist they take a selfie with you--not that I've ever tried that--but they will eventually cooperate with you and give you a new profile pic.
A dog doesn't care if she eats the same thing every day, she's just so stinkin grateful that you fed her. While teens are fine to eat ramen every time they are in charge of getting their own meal, they are not okay with eating chicken more than one night a week or spaghetti every other week. (They WILL however, never say anything about how often you eat tacos and will probably always ask for them more than you cook them).
Dogs allow you to pet them and will sit as close as possible to you--maybe even snuggle. Teenagers will tell you they "just need their space" and head to their room.
Dogs wake up happy EVERY morning. They don't care how early/late you put them in their kennel. They don't care if you have coffee made or have a busy day planned. They are just happy to be alive and, going back to #1, are thrilled to see you. If you have a teenager, I don't have to describe the horror of waking them in the morning--esp. on a school day when they have early practice. I just got chills up my spine thinking of it.
If your kids are still in the preschool or elementary stage, you will think I'm crazy--why would you want a dog and have one more thing to take care of? If you are a parent of middle or high schoolers, you will understand FULLY why a dog could actually save your life and remind you that you are a sane human being and not a crazy stalker/ATM machine/weird and very uncool old person.
Oh, and a word of caution. If your husband consistently tells your dog that she's his favorite daughter in front of your teens, they might get a bit upset...again, not that I know anything about this or have experienced it personally.
In fact, I don't claim to know any of the things I've said in this post from a personal level. I, like you, have a lot of friends who tell me things...
Do "your friends" have things they would add to the list "my friends" compiled?