Lack of Words Create Worlds

I've heard the phrase "Words Create Worlds" the last few days.  It refers to the rhetoric we are all seeing in our news feeds.  

The anger and outrage by our friends that creates ugly conversations in the comments.  Words that divide instead of unify.  

But I'd also like to say that a lack of words also creates worlds.  This works in the political and cultural spectrum, but I'd like to go a different direction with it.  It applies even more in our personal lives.  When we fail to speak words to a friend who is hurting, we are adding another building block to our world. A world we would never intentionally live in.

We've all been there.  A friend has something bad happen to them--an illness, a death of a family memory, a marriage falling apart, the loss of a job.  Truly hard things that sneak up on us and frankly, scare us.  We often don't know what to say because we don't want to say the wrong thing.  We've heard the horror stories of someone walking up to a mom at the funeral of her daughter and saying, "I know how you feel.  I lost my dog last week."  

So, in order to not say something that will hurt, we keep silent.  And the silence is just as hurtful.  

I've had a few hard losses in my life--my birth father, my mom, the deaths of my dad and grandparents, my job--and those are just the big ones.  But the hardest losses I've felt are the losses of my friends when those awful things happen.  My friends who don't reach out.  My friends who stay silent.  My friends who occasionally like a post but never write a word.  

Those are the most hurtful and hardest for me to grasp.

And I get it.  I have been at a loss for words on many occasions (don't faint--I CAN be quiet...sometimes). I have let the fear of saying the wrong thing cause me to say nothing.  But I have also regretted it.

And the nothing can be even harder on the person who is feeling the loss.  I can't speak for you, but I know it has been for me.   

So, maybe it's been a long time.  Maybe you don't say anything now because you are fearful that it has been TOO long and won't be received well.  

Say it anyway.  

Reach out.  Maybe you start with an apology.  Maybe you start with a joke.  Maybe you just start with "I love you."  I don't think the words choose even really matter.  

But the fact that you chose to speak DOES matter.  No matter how long it's been.  

The Art of Folding a Blanket

There are certain things that Granny--in all of her 102 years of age--is just better at doing.  I watch her fold her blanket every day when she wakes from her nap and before she goes to bed.  I am amazed at how neat it is.  She can barely balance standing up, yet she takes one corner and matches it to the other corner perfectly.  She takes her time--there's no rush to get it folded and put aside.  I, however, can stand easily, but I'm telling you--my blanket folding NEVER looks as neat as hers.  

I said she does it every day, but that's really not true.  She used to do it every day.  There are many times now that she goes to bed and leaves it in a pile on her chair.  This is how I know her health is declining.

Sounds silly, huh?  

She's always been meticulous.  Even with the amount of stuff she has in her house, most boxes are labeled.  In the last few years, I can tell her memory is fading in and out because many drawers are full of random things instead of being organized.  She fills her walker with all kinds of odds and ends.

I'm learning to tell without her speaking whether she's having a good day or not.  She won't admit she's tired or that her mind is not as sharp in the moment. But, the way she handles her blanket speaks for her.  Some days she folds it with a smile, others with determined concentration and more and more, she is not folding it at all.  

It's funny how much you can tell about a person by the folding of a blanket.