The Climb

I love music, but don't ask me who sang the song I'm belting out (usually with the wrong words). I don't usually go for the cheesy hit of the month like "Butterfly Kisses," but I've been captured by, of all things, a Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus song.

For New Year's Eve the past several years, we have watched a movie with the girls and had our own celebration at home. Last night, we watched The Hannah Montana Movie (which we also saw together in the theater a few months ago). I was totally suprised by the movie the first time I saw it and found myself moved again by it. Such a great story for my kids to see. It also makes me crave that simple life without the craziness of running around all the time.

But, as much as I loved the entire movie, the thing that moved me the most last night was the song "The Climb." This one just spoke to me after such a hard year (ending with a broken phone, camera and car in the last week). I'm also not one for a theme song, but I'm breaking tradition and naming this as my theme song this year.
Here are the words:

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head sayin,
You'll never reach it,
Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on, cause

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb (yeah)

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb (yeah yeah ea ea)

Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It's all about
It's all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith

Whoa a oh oh

Christmas Decorating

It's taken us almost a week to do it, but I think we are finally done Christmas decorating. The girls did decide to do without a "live" tree this year so that we could donate the money. I am so proud of them! Caroline wanted to put lights around the ceiling, which we did. Even our angel found a spot on the top of our mantle. The best thing was the garland "tree" Brian made for us on the wall--it holds ornaments and everything! Love that my girls were so excited about doing this and am praying that years from now, they will remember this Christmas as the one where their eyes were opened to the world around them.

You're a toot!

As I was looking through Hope's schoolwork, I came across a page where she was asked to illustrate an idiom. I wasn't sure I even knew what an idiom was until I looked at her paper. An idiom says one thing, but means another. Hope's example was "You're a toot" and she illustrated it for us. In one picture, there is a little cloud of what is supposed to be a toot (the nice word in our house for passing gas)behind a girl. Did I mention that the cloud had a bow and frowny face? In the other picture, she described what the word really meant with a picture of her standing on our couch.

What would I do without that girl's spunk?!!! The funniest part of it all--her teacher gave her a 100% on the work.

Advent Conspiracy

So, driving home from work last night, I had an idea. After we finished dinner, I posed the question to Brian and the girls, "What if, instead of buying a live Christmas tree like we do every year, we give that money on Christmas Eve to support some of the things Bent Tree is doing?"

Needless to say, the initial response was tears. After explaining several times that this was not a decision I was making, but, that as a family, we would each weigh in on it, they started to calm down and listen. It doesn't mean we won't still decorate--actually, our decorating will take on a new twist. We'll put ornaments in garland and find a spot for our angel that usually sits on the top of our tree (this was actually Caroline's biggest concern--where would we put her?).

The girls started getting excited about it. Brian is still trying to find a place we can chop down our own tree for free--which would be cool, but I think the girls are more excited about being creative with our decorating this year. We still have two 3 ft trees that usually sit in their rooms that we will use, but I will certainly miss the smell of a real tree--they make air fresheners with that smell don't they?

I logged onto the Advent Conspiracy website and let the girls watch a few of the videos. They didn't grasp the fact that Americans spend 450 billion dollars every year on Christmas, while just 10 billion would ensure that the ENTIRE world would have clean water to drink. What they did grasp was seeing the dirty water and watching the kids faces when they were able to drink clean water. When they looked at where those kiddos lived, the comments of "It's not fair for us to not have a tree" were forgotten.

We may not do it. Our family may decide we are not willing to give up our tree this year, but the bigger story is that it is creating conversation in our house. It's not the outcome--whether we give $50 dollars is not going to change the world. What will change our world is 2 little girls growing up with a mindset that it is not all about me and that God has a bigger call on their lives than to live in a comfortable house feeling safe all the time. While I pray they have those things, I pray even harder that He gets ahold of their hearts and they grow up seeing the world around them through HIS eyes.

Advent Conspiracy is helping us to do that.

Fear

Outwardly, Hope appears to be a child who fears nothing. She does not back down from bullies and is the first to defend if she feels someone is being wronged. Several years ago, she and Caroline were at the play area in the mall. Caroline was not quite 2 yet, so her walking skills were wobbly at times and a boy who was probably 2 times Hope's size accidentally knocked Caroline down. Hope immediately got in front of him, looked up into his face and told him that he had hurt her sister and not to do it again. I think she truly scared him! We explained (behind hidden smiles) that bullying wasn't okay in our house, but we were also proud of her lack of fear and protectiveness of her sister.

When it comes to other things, Hope is terrified. A few weeks ago, she had some physical issues and needed to swallow a pill. You would have thought we were trying to get her to swallow a watermelon whole--she was crying and shaking so badly! After almost an hour of convincing her that swallowing a pill was only going t o help her, she finally did and saw immediate results.

The same fear debilitated her last night. Her tummy was upset and she was scared to throw up--even though her throat hurt and she felt like she needed to. She refused to do any of the things that we suggested to help her. She was convinced she was hot--even though her body was visibly shaking and teeth were chattering from being cold. We were finally able to lure her out of the bathroom and into the living room where we watched a show about extreme waterparks (to which she kept saying, "Why do people want to do that kind of scary stuff?"). After about 30 minutes of calming down, we convinced her to go to bed, but even that was a challenge and I found myself sleeping next to her for the rest of the night.

What kept going through my mind as I was watching her last night, was that this was a visible picture of me and God. In my head, I believe that God is good and that He knows what is best for me, but I refuse to follow his instruction many times because I am terrified. I kept asking Hope, "What is making you scared? Don't you believe that Mommy and Daddy want whats best and wouldn't ask you to do anything that would hurt you?"

As I was laying in a twin bed next to a restless almost-8 year old, my mind kept replayng that comment but in a different way. "Dear child, what are you so afraid of? Do you not know that I want what is best for you and wouldn't ask you to do anything that would hurt you?" What if, it turned out for me that God failed and I could no longer depend on Him? Silly thought, I know, but I think that's the root of my fear. As a mom, I can't see in the future to know for sure that my remedy will be the best one, but God does see and know the next thing ahead for me. Again, I know my rationing makes no sense to those on the outside looking at me, but I totally believe the lie.

So, my choices are to stand here shivering, convincing myself of untruths, or trust Him to take me on the next step of the journey. He knows me better than I know myself and understands my trust issues. I think He meets me where I am and asks me to just trust Him for one step--He knows I can't comprehend trusting Him for the entire journey yet. I want to. In my head, I KNOW that He is faithful and wants only good for me. Just like Hope knows that her parents love her and want her to be healthy and happy. But, I still find myself standing with teeth chattering, paralyzed in my anxiety.

The decision is mine.

Lord, I ask that you would give me the courage to trust You. That I would be willing to get out of my cold bathroom and under the warm covers to snuggle with You.