The Rest of the Story

A few days ago, I posted this video on facebook--basically a year in review:  http://flipagram.com/f/hjMrUkIO2a

And I love it.  It makes me smile to see the pics of moving into our new house and the baby swallows and my girls throughout the seasons.

But it's not the whole story.  While moving into our "house in the country" was a huge highlight, the year itself was hard.  Hard for many reasons. 

I  didn't blog a lot this year. I didn't post a lot of it in deference to those around me who don't want the world to know what is going on and honestly, I didn't handle things very gracefully most days (just ask my kids).

My mother-in-law battled and beat breast cancer this year.  While I was scared for her, I was also scared for me--she does a LOT for my girls.  And did I mention we moved and I needed her help more than before?  We weren't allowed to share it with some of the family (she didn't want to worry or scare them) and I found myself walking on eggshells--fearful I would slip when I shouldn't.  Instead of being sad for her, I was mostly shallow and worried about me. 

While I love my job, somedays, it's really hard and this year had several of those somedays.  Even though it's ministry, it's not always just a feel-good time, sitting around a circle thanking God for all the answers to prayer.  I've been doing the same thing for 7 years and had to  take stock and see if God was still calling me to it. I had a lot of tough conversations with myself and God for a good portion of the year.  The good news is He made it clear to me that this is what I'm called to--for now.  While I wish I could map out the rest of my life, He doesn't do it that way for me.  He purified my motives and is still working on me in how to be a good employee.  He gave me several opportunities to sit back and just be proud of being a part of this church and staff. 

Marriage has not been hard, per se, but I am constantly fighting the battle of believing the best and not falling into a rut.  I also struggle with figuring out our own "normal" and not copying what others are doing--or discounting what we are doing.  We had a great "date day" system going at one point, but it didn't happen much this year.  Many days, it's the survival mode of divide and conquer.  And I miss the days of just going to the grocery store together (even though back then, they drove me crazy because I felt it was inefficient). Complacency sucks me in every time and is something I have to fight against on a daily basis.

It's been a hard year of figuring out friendships--who I can say what to and how to be authentic when I have to hold confidentiality.  Honestly, I sucked at it this year.  And I'm not quite sure how to make it better.  I constantly grieve not having that one friend like I had growing up.   I have lots of great friends, but not that "bosom  buddy" Anne of Green Gables talks about--at least not one that lives close to me that I can talk to on a daily basis.  I've let people move out of my life that I probably should have held onto tighter.

Parenting is a daily struggle that I always feel like a failure in.  I'm either too strict, or too lenient.  Overbearing or too-hands-off.  I'm not a lovey-dovey kind of mom.  My girls go to their dad when they want sympathy.  They don't hold back their feelings (I wonder where they get that from--must be Brian) and I struggle with wanting to know them and just wanting them to do what I say.  The video doesn't capture the yelling matches or door-slamming or mean comments.   Or the fact that I suck at building my girls up and instead like to point out how they could do things better.

All that being said, I read this really great post this morning about falling forward:  http://www.aholyexperience.com/2013/12/how-to-move-forward-into-the-new-year-when-you-feel-like-you-failed-the-last-year/. 

Falling forward into the new year and more importantly, falling forward into the arms of Jesus--who's always waiting for me.  I'm not sure yet what I will do differently in 2014 and I don't have a word or phrase yet, but these verses speak to me:

“But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead…
I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”
~Phil. 3:13-14

Here's to not only falling forward, but straining forward...

Elfin' the Night Away

I caved.  I was getting important things at Target like chips and dip and cereal and then I made the mistake of going by the Christmas aisle.  And there she was--sitting at the end of the shelf and calling my name like the stupid Pier 1 commercials.

I picked her up and put her down probably 5 times.  We did really great with Hunter, our Dude on the Shelf, last year http://aroyaltradition.blogspot.com/2012/12/introducing-hunterthe-dude-on-shelf.html.  We didn't really need an elf--especially not a girl. 

But I did it anyway.

So now, I have this elf, who has not made her appearance to my girls yet and it's already Dec. 2nd.  And I see all the cute facebook posts y'all do with your elf zip lining and getting into all kinds of mischief and then I hear the others who say the elf is only there to report back to Santa and shouldn't be doing naughty things.

What's a mama to do?   My girls don't believe in Santa anymore (*sniff sniff*) so I can't hold the whole "be good or Santa won't come" thing over their head. I think I can be creative, but now that I have this elf, I'm not sure what to do with her?  Should she just spy on my kids or do naughty things?  And if she does naughty things, what's the justification for them?  Did she escape from Santa?  Were her parents too strict and now she's rebelling?  Is she trying to impress a boy elf or giving in to peer pressure from the popular mean girl elves? 

Right now, she's under my bed and I'm having visions of her coming alive at night and strangling me.

Please help a mama out and tell me what to do here, people!

Let us be Thankful Boys and Girls

We took my dad to lunch today for his birthday and my nephew came home to spend the night with us.  As I've been cleaning the kitchen to get ready to make it messy tomorrow and folding laundry and making up the guest bed for Josh, I've had the song "Let us be Thankful Boys and Girls" by Billy Crockett running through my head.  I could only find a cheesy YouTube video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pH2f7GXhOw with the melody, but here are the lyrics:

Let us be thankful boys and girls
for eyes and ears and toes
and puppies with wet noses
 
Let us be thankful boys and girls
for lessons we have learned
and love we have not earned
We follow the bear of amazing grace
Oh, let us be thankful boys and girls.
 
Let us be thankful boys and girls
for kisses on the mouth
and teenage heartbeats pounding
 
Let us be thankful boys and girls
for lightning in the sky
and laughter in the eye
We follow the beat of amazing grace
Oh, let us be thankful boys and girls.
 
For all that brought us here
And all that will see us through
The passageways of life
that lead to You,
Lead us to You.
 
Let us be thankful boys and girls
for a little common sense
and painted picket fences
 
Let us be thankful boys and girls
when packing up the plans
in rented moving vans
we follow the beat of amazing grace
Oh, let us be thankful boys and girls.
 
Let us be thankful boys and girls
for Mendelssohn and Brahms
and shadows growing longer
 
Let us be thankful boys and girls
for years that slowly go
and grandkids we can hold
for memories to keep
and sorrow running deep
We follow the beat of amazing grace
Oh, let us be thankful boys and girls
 
For all that brought us here
And all that will see us through
The passageways of life
that lead to You,
Lead us to You.

Let us be thankful boys and girls
when hope is not enough
that death can't bury love
 
Let us be thankful boys and girls
for wine and bread and hymns
remembering again
we follow the beat of amazing grace
Oh, let us be thankful boys and girls. 

Praying you have much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving, too.

Peaceful Overwhelmedness

I'm up early this morning. You could say it's because my husband wasn't As quiet as he thought he was before he left for work. You could say it was because I went to bed early last night and my body doesn't know what to do with more than 6 hours of sleep anymore. But I choose to believe that God woke me up this morning for a purpose.

It's been a crazy few weeks. Twenty two days ago I wrote my last post about a God-sized task. Five short days ago, I was wallowing in fear again, questioning whether He was going to provide.

But this morning, the first thing I saw when I looked at my phone was a post by my sweet friend that said "Lovepacs-Frisco has packed all 287 boxes feeding 472 kids this Thanksgiving!!"  Yep, you read that right--almost 300 boxes packed in 2 weeks.

So I'm choosing to believe that God woke me up in the darkness of the early morning to remind me of His faithfulness. HE loves these kids more than You or I can even fathom. He loves me too. Just as much. And His way of showing love to me isn't by providing me a box of food through strangers, but by showing me how HE will provide and I just need to trust Him.

To let go of my pre-conceived ideas of how things should look.

But not stop ASKing Him to do big things.

To believe that He will answer.

So the fact that all boxes are packed and waiting to be loaded into cars tonight shouldn't surprise me. And truthfully, at this stage, it doesn't. But I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say I had some angst along   the way to get to this point.

But for now, I am peacefully overwhelmed by His goodness, grace and mercy.

And for me, that's what Thanksgiving is all about.

A God-sized Task

 

A friend of mine called it a God-sized task today.  When I first heard the initial numbers this morning, I thought the same thing--only a big God can do this.  This afternoon, when I heard the next set of numbers, my heart started racing...Did we bite off too much?  Are we going to be able to live up to our word?  If it's this much now, what will it be like next month as we gear up for Christmas?

If you know anything about me, you know how near and dear to my heart Lovepacs is.  It seriously brings me life every time I leave a meeting or talk to someone about it.  It's one of those weird "this is what I was created for" kind of things.  Do you ever have those moments when you KNOW you are doing exactly what God has for you in that moment?  I do with Lovepacs.

This morning, I thought we would be feeding @300 kids in Frisco.  This afternoon, I learned that it is over 400.  Can you imagine?  In a city like Frisco, there are 400 kids who may not eat over Thanksgiving break.  400!  That's almost an elementary school in itself.  And that's only the 10 neediest schools.  There are still 43 other schools!

So, I admit, my faith wavered for a minute.  But then I remembered that I serve a BIG God.  And I KNOW He loves these kids more than I do.  And I am confident He is working in lives all over the city of Frisco and will be prompting people to give. 

And those 408 kiddos will not go hungry this Thanksgiving. 

If you would like to be a part of helping to feed these kids, please go to our website at www.lovepacs.org or contact me at angel@lovepacs.org. 

Loepacs exists to be an expression of God's love by engaging our communities to serve children in need.

Sitting in Puddles

It's the first day of school at a new school for both of my girls.  You can't tell it in this picture, but they are both a little scared--Caroline cried last night and Hope talked faster than an auctioneer this morning. 

As I left Caroline in her class, I had to hold back the tears--so silly--she's in 4th grade--it's not like this is the first time I've done this.  But, it is the first time for her to be on her own without her big sister.  Her first time to ride the bus home from school.  Her first time to not know anyone in her class. 

After dropping off Hope, I started to tear up again and prayed that she wouldn't get nervous and would be able to get her locker open. 

And then I came home and cried a bit as I was putting their sheets in the washer.  I really am glad school has started.  We Royal girls thrive on routine with just a little spontaneity thrown in--not the other way around.  And summer had been full of twists and turns for us--many good (like our awesome house), but I don't think we have had a week that looked like the previous one all summer.  We didn't do as many fun things as I had hoped.  We had some curve balls thrown at us that prevented us from playing as often as we should. 

But, as I told Caroline last night, we can't live in the past--we have to make the best out of today.  If there was something we felt like we should have done yesterday, then we need to do it today.  Ain't nobody got time to sit and mope. 

So, here's to the 2013-2014 school year!  I pray it is one of precious new beginnings for our family!

But in the meantime, I still feel the need to think of my girls like this so I don't cry anymore:

 

                                                                          
 

 



Sparrows and the Hairs on my Head

We have this nest on our front porch. Before we moved in, we noticed a couple of sparrows sitting in it and later saw some broken eggs in the yard and babies peeking out of the top of the nest.  A few weeks later, we saw even more babies and we finally figured out that the sparrows must have shared the nest and this was a second batch of babies.   

Last week, we noticed one on the ground and decided to put it back up in the nest so that it would be safe at night from a hawk.  Then we realized that all 4 babies were out.  So, Hope and I got Brian's tall ladder, figured out how to extend it, and she climbed up and put each baby back in the nest. 

The next day, they were all back down again, so we just made sure they were safe behind the big flower pot at night.  In the morning, I watched one take wing and fly off.  The next day, the girls saw another one do the same.  The last two, stayed huddled together for a few more days, until, they finally flew away, too. 

I've never really paid attention to sparrows, but I know that they are mentioned in the Bible a few times.  I read these verses this morning:

"Are not 5 sparrows sold for 2 pennies?  Yet not one of them is forgotten  by God.  Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  Don't be afraid; you are worth more than  many sparrows."  --Luke 12:6-7

We loved those baby sparrows.  In fact, we really miss not having them on our porch.  We cared for them, were eager to check on them each morning and evening, and we were so very excited when we saw them fly for the first time.  If we felt that way about them and God created them, how much more must He love them?   AND, even better, He tells us that we are worth more than many sparrows. 

Such a great word picture for me and my girls about how deep and wide His love is for us.