Dear Mary

Dear Mary,

Was it a night like this?  

Was the sky filled with twinkling stars or was it dark?

Was the weather warm or were your arms covered with goosebumps?

When did you first know you were in labor?  Were you still sitting on the donkey, trying to tell Joseph you needed to stop for a bathroom break?  Or were you already settled into the barn when your contractions started?

Was it daylight when you stopped?  Were you able to see your surroundings? 

Did you have Braxton hicks?  Did you wonder if this baby would ever be born?

Was Joseph patient?  Did the sight of blood make him woozy? Did he help deliver our Savior or did he leave you to your own?  Was the inn-keeper's wife there to help? Did you feel alone?

Did you question God?  Did you wonder why He would let His Son be born in a feeding trough?  

Was it a barn like this?  

How many animals were in there with you?  Did the smell gag you?  Did you worry about your baby catching something since He wasn't born in a sterile environment?

Did He cry?  

Did He immediately latch on to nursing or was it hard?  How did you do it without a Boppy pillow?

Had you ever seen another birth?  Did Joseph cut the umbilical cord?  Did he deliver the afterbirth?

Did you hear the angels singing?  Were you just so utterly exhausted or were you hyped up and not able to sleep?

Did Jesus sleep?  Did He smile?  Did He snuggle up to you?

Did you know Herod wanted to kill your Son?  

How long did you stay in the barn?  Were you able to find a place to sleep the next night or did you have to stay there for several days?  Did you have to travel very far?  Were you sore?

Were you scared or relieved?

From one mama to another, how did you do it?  

Just Let Go of the Dang Cup!

We have our routine every morning.  

Once Granny is up, she takes her meds, eats her breakfast (always a cup of fruit, 1 piece of bacon cut in half, a fried egg--runny--and a piece of toast, buttered and cut in triangles) and drinks her coffee.  She eats and drinks in the exact same order every day: finishes her fruit first, then cuts the white of the egg and eats it, saving the yolk to dip her toast in. Last, but certainly not least, she eats her bacon and usually remarks on what a good piece of bacon that is.  She drinks her coffee throughout her meal, but typically has half her cup left to finish after her food is all gone.

Every morning she hands me her empty cup when she is finished.  And by hand, I mean that she holds it out to me, but won't let go.  I grab ahold of it and almost have to yank it out of her hand.  She is so concerned I will not have it and it will drop that SHE JUST WONT LET GO! 

This drives me crazy.  In the 4 months I have lived with her, I  have not dropped it yet.  I have hurt her fingers because I didn't realize she still had them curled around the handle, but never have I let it fall to the floor.  

But she holds onto it the same way every day.  

I've told her many times, "Granny, I have it, you can let go," but it still takes her a few seconds to do that.  And even when she does let go, her other hand is right there, underneath mine, waiting to catch it.  

Sometimes we hold onto something, not because we want it anymore, but because we are worried about it shattering on the floor.  We become so cautious that we work ourselves up into worst case scenarios, instead of letting go and forgetting about it.  

Once Gran gives me the cup, I rinse it, put it in the dishwasher, and she never has to worry about it.  

Until the next day, when we go through the exact same scenario again.

Lord, thank you for always having my cup and not letting it break.  Thank you for not losing your patience with me when I hold onto it too tightly every day.  May I let go without holding on--trusting that you will take care of it.  

Joy Doesn’t get Wiped Away by Someone’s Butt Prints

I almost trashed this photo today.  

But the irony of it stopped me.  

I had this idea in my head to arrange the cute pillow I received as a gift on the swing.  I could imagine how picturesque it would look--the perfect peaceful farm scene.  I would post it and friends would tell me that it looked like a Christmas card photo. I could caption it "Joy comes in the morning" and spend the day thinking back on what a great shot it was.  

Then I got closer and cropped out the part of the swing where the snow was wiped away by Caroline's booty yesterday and the ugly brown ground peeking through the melting snow.  

Those things didn't make the picture look quite as idyllic as I wanted.  I definitely liked that look better and started to delete the first one.

But the irony stopped my finger mid-air from the trashcan icon.  

Doesn't true joy happens in spite of the environment around it?  

Joy doesn't change--even when the snow isn't pristine or gets wiped away by someone's butt.  We can crop out the ugly, but those things are still there.

Joy is in spite of those things.

PS You'll never regret getting bundled up early to go outside and catch the sunrise! Joy really DOES come in the morning...

Word of the Year in Review

This is the time of year when I start thinking and praying about my word for the upcoming year.  Do you choose a word or phrase?  You may hate the idea and roll your eyes every time someone talks about it.  I get it.  I've heard all the pros and cons about having a word and have decided it works for me so I'll keep doing it.  

This time last year, I had a word, but just didn't want that to be it, so I put off naming it until January.  Funny thing, it ended up being the perfect word for the year.  

No, it wasn't dumpster fire. lol.  

My word last year was "TRIBES."  My hope was to spend more time with the people in my circle, showing how much I love them.

Well, Covid, made that a reality.  I worried at the beginning--with all 4 of us home, would we be at each other's throats every day?  Reality was we had dinner together more often than we had in previous years.  We did a couple of projects together--like cleaning out my office and adopting Hunter and 8 more chickens.  We took a family vacation and spent some quality time in the Ozark mountains of Branson.  

And then--just when I thought things were getting back to "normal"--we made a HUGE decision to move our family to Oklahoma.  The hard part of this is that we are still not all together, but I probably talk to my family as much, if not more, than when we were (FaceTime is just the best invention ever).  The added bonus is that in the middle of this pandemic, we have seen our extended family more.  Not to mention Granny.  If you'd have told me this time last year I was going to be caring for her 24/7, I would NOT have believed you.   

The other thing 2020 has done is re-define my tribes and what I am willing to give to them.  I was hoping my circle would widen when I chose the word--that I would make a few really close friends that I talk to on a daily basis.  That didn't really happen.  In fact, I have lost several friends throughout the year.  People I thought were in my tribe proved they were not when my circumstances changed, but some old friendships I had, grew stronger.  And while my #adventureswithgranny posts show the fun side of living here at the farm, they don't show the hard battle of dementia and aging.  So while I give less now to friends, I definitely give much more to my family and my "few" who have loved me well through this crazy year.

I still have no idea what my word for 2021 will be, but I'm praying and trying not to jump ahead and figure out the outcome from each word (being an enneagram 6 this is TOUGH!).  I'm confident God will give me the perfect one at the perfect time--like He always does. 

How about you?  Do you have a word yet?  

Enjoying the View You Have

It's a cold Friday morning and I would like to snuggle under my blankets for a while, reading and writing, and even reflecting.  But THIS DARN CAT, Y'ALL!!!

Since he likes to look at the birds, I thought I would clear the little table in the corner off and move it in front of the window.  The normal window where we see a ton of birds is pretty quiet (Looks like someone forgot to put birdseed on her Walmart pick up list this week *SIGH*).

So I moved the table to the other window--where there ARE birds flying around.  And I put him on top of it so he could see outside.

But, now that the view is convenient, he doesn't want it.  

 He tried to jump up to the top of the window.

He gave himself a bath.

He even contemplated climbing the curtain (which I quickly nixed--can you imagine Granny's face if he ripped her curtains?  NOT something I want to see right now).

The view outside that window is perfect for birdwatching this morning.  There are 3 trees and the birds are flittering to and fro between each of them.  The ground is covered with frost so there are a bunch up there, chasing each other and looking for food to take back to their nests.

But Flynn is too busy looking at all the distractions around him and missing the view right smack in front of him.  

I'm glad I never do that--get caught up in looking at everything around me except the big picture window with the perfect and best views.  I'm glad I always focus on the important stuff and ignore all the other piddly things around me.

Or maybe I don't and need to learn from Flynn's oversight.