My car died the last day of last year. The week it died, my phone and camera also kicked the bucket (my phone revived after 4 days but the camera, like my car, never did)--anyway, I digress.
For the past 4 1/2 months, Brian has been taking me to and picking me up from work. After the first initial wave of panic, I tried to look on the bright side and think of how close this would force my family to be. I love my family, but some days being together can pull you apart. My dreams changed from wanting to be thin, live in a better neighborhood and have enough discretionary income for any last minute thing I want to do, to driving on a freeway for hours, BY MYSELF!!!!!
After looking at our options in fixing my Durango, we decided we needed to go ahead and get rid of it. In the beginning, I prayed fervently for the cost to fix my car to be minimal. When that did not happen, I started praying for another car. I didn't pray for any specific kind of car--I asked for the basics--let it run, have a/c, power windows would be awesome (in Brian's truck, the handle is broken off the window on the passenger side, so I can never open mine) and low mileage. Oh, and God, I don't need it, but it would feel like an extra-special kiss from you if it had a sunroof--I realize that is not necessary, but I'm gonna just throw it out there."
Funny thing happened...as we were looking for cars, every one we were presented with as an option in our budget, all had sunroofs--every stinkin one of them!
I wish I could say I waited patiently and embraced the time without my own car, but I didn't. I wish I could say it drew us closer as a family, but I don't think that happened. What I CAN say, is that while the interim time was hard, it will be a fading memory this morning when I drive myself to work, and again this afternoon, when I drive myself home (and maybe even when I sneak out during Sonic Happy Hour to get a slushie!).
While I don't see myself looking back on these last few months fondly, I do see the benefits of the hard time--things that would take too long to explain here, but are definite signs that God did not forget about me during that time. I never believed He ignored my prayers or left them unanswered--He just said "No--I have something different in mind for you."
Maybe it was because He wanted me to rely on Him during this time. Maybe because He wanted us to have a car with a lower monthly payment. Maybe because He wanted me to really notice when He gave me an extra-special kiss. I don't know why and honestly, don't really care. What I do know is that through this, my faith in Him remained unshaken and I truly believed He would provide--even thought I didn't know the timing. For a doubter like me, this is big.
So, if my hair is messier than usual on top over the next few days, just know that I'm savoring my kiss from heaven and the best kisses leave you looking disheveled.