I've been feeling restless lately. I can't really pinpoint it to one thing, but as I was doing my narcissistic-self-analyzation last week, some things popped out at me.
#1—I always feel this way after a busy season. It’s the same story as Elijah and the prophets of Baal—he had done such a great thing with God’s power, but after it was over, he went and slept in a mountain for 40 days. Part of me wonders if he was depressed. I mean, I know about being tired, but to sleep for that long…I think he was experiencing that let-down after something big happens in ministry. That thing that is close to, if not completely—just plain ol’ depression.
#2—When I look at the reality of what needs to be maintained, I get this way. It’s one thing to start something, but it’s a whole ‘nother animal when you have to carry it out. It’s that consistency thing that always gets to me. I read a quote last week that I loved from Andy Stanley that went something like this: “Vision will make your capacity seem small. That’s when God can go to work on you.” I don’t know about you, but somedays, just the thought of all the stuff that God needs to “do a work on” in me makes me exhausted, which leads to restlessness as I try to figure out another plan.
#3—No matter how often I experience it, it’s always hard for me to distinguish between holy discontent and just plain discontent. Am I restless because God is calling me to something else, or am I restless because I don’t want to allow Him to do the work in me He needs to do? Is He calling me to rest in Him during this time and I’m struggling against it because I’m a creature of this society who hates being still? Or does He want me to give this away and open my eyes to other things around me?
No great words of wisdom—I’ll just keep yielding my thoughts and actions to the Spirit as He makes them known to me. But one day, I hope that God allows me to look back on this time and see it in the bigger scheme of things—from His point of view.
Until then, I remain obedient.