Tears

I cry. Anyone who knows me--even from a distance--knows this about me. I've spent my life trying to change that about myself. I have always hated being dubbed "the overly-sensitive one." I've hated the feeling of knowing people are walking on eggshells so as not to upset me. And I have especially hated the fact that when I am moved--whether by anger, hurt, joy or any other emotion--the tears flow on their own, no matter how hard I try to hold them in.

For me, I think tears are one of the things God uses to show me I'm not in control of things that I think I should be. And I also think He is patiently waiting for me to accept them as part of who He created me to be. If I continue to see them as a weakness or an area to improve, I can never fully embrace the empathetic person He created and I'm missing out on seeing Him work through the tears.

So, I'm starting to be okay with my tears--even when I know they make others uncomfortable. I stopped wearing mascara years ago and have recently started wearing my eyeliner differently so that it doesn't disappear when the tears flow. I have a stash of kleenexes in my car, purse, jacket pockets and office (at home, I use washrags--they are much softer and save money).

I will still apologize most days when I cry in front of others and I will still try to hold them in at times that I deem it inappropriate to cry. BUT, I am hoping, I will also see them more and more often as a unique part of me and celebrate them every now and then.