It's funny what we spend our days on. The things we think are so important in the moment. The ways we get consumed with doing.
God has been showing me a lot this past few weeks about what is truly important to Him. And the conclusion I am facing, is that all my doing just spins me further from Him--even when it's things I think are FOR Him. The doing that requires it to be about me. And my desires. The doing that keeps me too busy to sit and seek His voice.
Just over 2 weeks ago, I entered a contest to go to Rwanda and part of me was hoping to win so I could change the world. Sounds silly now when I put it on paper, but I REALLY wanted it. I realized this morning that the contest ended yesterday. Obviously, I did not receive enough votes to even be in the running.
But I'm okay with it. In fact, the thought of leaving the country and my family right now fills me with angst. Because, while a worthy thing, it's not what God is doing through me right now. It's so easy for me to "save the world" but ignore my family. I'm embarrassed to admit that. That I let myself get caught up in the plight of orphans in another country and am not as accessible to my own children as they want/need.
But God, in His grace, gives wake up calls and second chances. He reminds me of my calling as a wife and mom. He pulls me up and gives me a glimpse of His perspective. And it's not always what I thought it was. Or dreamed it would be. But it's oh so much more beautiful!
And through it all, He loves me. And calls me His. And never disowns me. Or berates me. He just shakes His head, smiles and opens up His arms wide. Waiting for me to stop doing and just be. To be still. To be with Him. To be comforted. To be loved.