Friday, May 6, 2011

19 Followers

So, those of you reading this have probably been pretty disappointed lately. I haven't really written any funny or spiritual or even deep posts in a while (although I'm not sure how deep the ones I consider deep are to the rest of the world).

A couple of months ago, I started to get really hung up on how many pageviews I had verses how many comments. There are a couple of you who comment, but for the most part, I'll have 27 views and no comments. This whole blog thing is kinda scary and when you know people have looked at what you wrote but didn't comment, it can make you start to wonder. Did they think what I wrote was dumb? Were they bored to tears? No news is good news, right?

Well, I became obsessed. I would share one post on facebook and not the next--just so I could see how many people made an effort to read what I wrote and how many are looking at my facebook page (another scary thought).

After a couple of weeks making myself crazy, I lost some of my enjoyment o f writing. All of a sudden, it was a competition. Could I write something that would elicit a comment from someone who had never commented before? If I post it to facebook, how many more views do I have than if I don’t? Will I always only have 19 followers? Why do those 19 people even want to follow me?

So, I had to take a step back. Refocus myself on my goal for this blog. Tell myself that my self-worth is not based on how many comments or followers I have. My need to just be me has overcome my need to be liked by you. Don’t get me wrong, I still want you to read and even follow if you like. It would even be great to have a comment from you so that I know you stopped by. But, that cannot be my motivation for blogging. I’m sure those of you who blog will be able to relate to this.

So, as much as I want to make you laugh and to think I am totally wonderful and that I should write a book (a dream I’ve had since I was a little girl), I’m trying to let go of that need to please you and to be myself. I hope you are not bored to tears in the process. If you are, I totally understand if you want to unfollow or stop reading.

Oh, and if you stop by to read what I write, feel free to leave a comment once in a while. I’ll try not to let it go to my head.

7 comments:

Becca said...

I got all caught up with this a few weeks ago and just decided to LET IT GO - I am writing my blog for ME - to record my thoughts, my familiies activites, etc all in one place - that I can enjoy for years to come. I don't care how many comments I have anymore. Let it go - it feels great to do it for myself.

Also, from someone who has blogged for almost 5 years, many regular bloggers HATE comment verification and tend to not comment if a blog has that - I turned mine off years ago and have never had any issues with "spam" comments - blogger is really good about filtering out those. Just a suggestion....

~Becca

April said...

Would you please put a check mark in my friend column since I comment frequently??

tessica said...

Can you check the ones that read it but don't follow you? Totally random I'm just curious. I read your blog for a long time before I was a follower, I'm clueless when it comes to these things, so I didn't even know I could be a follower. So I'm curious if there are people who read it without you know. And I really wanna know so you have to give me an answer. And do your followers know there are other post other than the ones you post to facebook, cause again, I didn't at first.

Angel said...

BNecca, I think I'm truly over it--just felt the need to write this post. I know you and April have both done one very similiar to it. April, you're my friend because you talk people into throwing martini bday parties for me--not just for commenting (although I always look forward to your comments). Tess, I can tell how many people viewed and what country they live in (I've got some people in China and the UK looking at what I write), butI can't tell who they are. You don't have to be a follower to comment--just have to have a google account. I had some random Ranch person comment on one of my posts. Kinda weird.

Angel said...

Oh, and Tess-58 people have read my blog today. I've had 4 comments. That's what was making me crazy. Did the other 54 people jsut feel like they had wasted their time? Is it the same few people just going to the page over and over again?
**SIGH** things that make you go "hmmm."

April said...

It's such a weird kind of thing not knowing who's reading! I was getting 1 hit every single day from Japan, and then suddenly it stopped. So now I'm wondering what happened to my Japanese friend...did he get swept away by the tsunami? Did he get bored? What??

MsGin said...

I too have a blog. It is called Faith in the Reflection. I dont write much - secretly I want to have followers but as sporadically as I write - well that would be a lot of pressure to have a lot of followers who got frustrated at my lack of inspiration. Just know that I am inspired by your honesty and your "real"-ness in your life's journey. I dont comment because I dont feel I have anything worthwhile to contribute - perhaps that is a sentiment shared amoung your readers... I dunno... God Bless and dont worry about the rest - write for you and God, the rest of us are just blessed observers.