So, those of you reading this have probably been pretty disappointed lately. I haven't really written any funny or spiritual or even deep posts in a while (although I'm not sure how deep the ones I consider deep are to the rest of the world).
A couple of months ago, I started to get really hung up on how many pageviews I had verses how many comments. There are a couple of you who comment, but for the most part, I'll have 27 views and no comments. This whole blog thing is kinda scary and when you know people have looked at what you wrote but didn't comment, it can make you start to wonder. Did they think what I wrote was dumb? Were they bored to tears? No news is good news, right?
Well, I became obsessed. I would share one post on facebook and not the next--just so I could see how many people made an effort to read what I wrote and how many are looking at my facebook page (another scary thought).
After a couple of weeks making myself crazy, I lost some of my enjoyment o f writing. All of a sudden, it was a competition. Could I write something that would elicit a comment from someone who had never commented before? If I post it to facebook, how many more views do I have than if I don’t? Will I always only have 19 followers? Why do those 19 people even want to follow me?
So, I had to take a step back. Refocus myself on my goal for this blog. Tell myself that my self-worth is not based on how many comments or followers I have. My need to just be me has overcome my need to be liked by you. Don’t get me wrong, I still want you to read and even follow if you like. It would even be great to have a comment from you so that I know you stopped by. But, that cannot be my motivation for blogging. I’m sure those of you who blog will be able to relate to this.
So, as much as I want to make you laugh and to think I am totally wonderful and that I should write a book (a dream I’ve had since I was a little girl), I’m trying to let go of that need to please you and to be myself. I hope you are not bored to tears in the process. If you are, I totally understand if you want to unfollow or stop reading.
Oh, and if you stop by to read what I write, feel free to leave a comment once in a while. I’ll try not to let it go to my head.