Today, like almost 10 years ago, I find myself glued to the tv—watching the news.
The reports came in last night that Osama Bin Laden is dead. Some have likened him to Hitler. There are conversations going back and forth on which president gets to take credit for his death. The details are being revealed on how his death actually happened. As the day goes on, I have no doubt there will be many reports.
Honestly, I’m torn with emotions right now. There’s my sense of justice side that is just glad. I remember Sept. 11, 2001, as I’m sure most Americans do. I was 7 months pregnant with Hope and just sat in front of the television for days that week. I remember how quiet the air above me was with no planes flying over on their way to and from DFW airport. I remember the fear I felt. Fear for my unborn child and what kind of world she would have to face. Fear for my mother-in-law who worked in a government building. Fear that more attacks were going to happen. These memories make me glad that he was brought to justice.
Then there’s just sadness. Sad that he died and never knew Jesus. Sad that he led so many down the wrong path. Sad that, because of his death, many more will follow him. Sad that, while he is dead, this war is not. And the sadness that I feel most of all is that I cannot find it in myself to grieve that he is in hell now.
And then fear comes again. Fear that there will be retaliation. Fear that his army will grow from his death. Fear that we, as Americans, will start looking at color in our own country and judging people again. Fear that someone serving in our military will read this and think they are not supported. And most of all, fear that I am a bad person because I can’t truly grieve someone dying without Jesus.
I was pointed to Proverbs 24 this morning. Great passage—I don’t know the details of why it was written and what was going on in Solomon’s kingdom to prompt him to write it. But, it was a great reminder to me this morning that God is in control.
It has also heightened my sense of the need to pray for my country, the leaders and the ones who are fighting for us. That, while I am called to respect my leaders and support them, there is only One whom I should follow.
So, like ten years ago, I am relying on the fact that I don’t know what the future holds, but I know WHO holds the future. And unlike 10 years ago, I am praying that God will soften my heart and the hearts of my fellow Americans. And even as I pray that, fear steps in again...
2 comments:
Good post. I had not even thought to grieve his death until someone else pointed out that we should grieve b/c he didn't know Jesus. Maybe I'll get around to grieving. But I cried this morning when I saw that news. September 11 is still so emotional for me and our country, Mark had just come home from the trade center a couple days before happened, and I just can't yet grieve for him. I'll read this post again tonight, and the other entries I haven't read yet!
I think there are so many people that feel the same way, including me. Josh and I actually had a talk about this and this was one of the hardest things that (as a parent) ever had to discuss. My emotions say one thing but I had to really think about what to say to him. As I teach him that violence should never be the answer but the war is sometimes neccessary. And tried to get him to understand that God always has a plan and maybe by this one death, so many more will be saved because his voice died with him. So others that would have been led astray can now be led to God.
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